But those first-date butterflies will only take you so far. This can make it harder to leave a relationship that still provides a sense of family, friendship, stability, and safety. But staying in a relationship without romantic love may lead to a desire to experience love again and motivate infidelity.
Simply having an opportunity to cheat can make infidelity more likely. Other factors often but not always add to the motivation to cheat.
You might not choose to cheat if only one or two factors were involved. But this combination of motivating factors — the distance in your relationship, your feelings about your appearance, the attention of your coworker — can make infidelity more likely.
People who have a hard time with commitment may be more likely to cheat in some cases. In this case, one partner might end up cheating as a way of avoiding commitment, even if they actually would prefer to stay in the relationship. Many people choose to stay in the relationship, often hoping things will improve, especially if the relationship is otherwise fulfilling. This can provide motivation to get those needs met elsewhere.
Unmet emotional needs can also motivate infidelity. Emotional infidelity can be tricky to define, but it generally refers to a situation where someone invest a lot of emotional energy in someone besides their partner. This can lead to an intimate connection that resembles a relationship. A simple desire to have sex can motivate some people to cheat.
But someone who wants to have sex might also look for opportunities to do so without any other motivators. Even people who have sexually fulfilling relationships might still want to have more sex with other people.
This might result from a high level of sexual desire, not necessarily any sexual or intimate issues in the relationship. Despite the affair, the couple stayed together and are currently closing in on their 23rd wedding anniversary.
But for many couples, infidelity is the nail in the coffin. A study conducted by the Austin Institute found that unfaithfulness in a marriage accounted for around 37 percent of divorces in the U. It's not an easy thing to heal from — but according to marriage and family therapist Amanda D.
Mahoney , patients who find success staying together after someone cheats have one main thing in common: "There's a willingness to process the potential symptoms that may have contributed to the affair versus focusing solely on the act of the affair itself," she explains.
That's not to be confused with justifying the decision to cheat by pointing to issues in the relationship as excuses. But if you're able to get real with your partner on what hasn't been working — without playing the blame game — it's a good sign that your relationship has the potential to be repaired.
In fact, it may not simply be repaired, but you may come out even stronger than before if you handle it the right way. For Grant, an author and journalist living in Toronto, packing up and leaving wasn't immediately in the cards. Instead, she focused on her own healing with the help of a therapist , while her husband spent time in therapy separately.
If both you and your partner want to take the necessary steps to heal from an affair, it can be done, but it's going to be a long road.
Here are a few important actions to take together that can help repair your relationship. This is the hardest step and will largely dictate whether or not you'll both be able to move forward. With or without individual or marital risk factors there are a number of possible reasons for marital infidelity. Underlying many of the reasons, however, lie a few threads. One is the role of unmet needs. One partner may be incapable of fulfilling their partner's needs, but far too often, those needs have not been expressed.
Marital partners are not mind-readers. Another is the lack of addressing problems directly. Running away from problems conflict avoidance rather than staying and addressing them is another crucial element in communication and commitment in marriage. Some of the reasons cited as the cause for cheating may include:. In addition to the primary reasons for cheating noted above, there are secondary reasons that may lead to an affair. Sometimes people have a suspicion that their spouse is cheating but don't have any solid evidence.
While often the best approach in marriage is to be direct, you may wonder if it will cause more damage to ask directly. And, of course, the answer your spouse gives could either be the truth or a lie. The best approach will vary for different couples, but if you're concerned, it may be a good idea to look for some of the signs.
In some marriages, an affair is a cry for help, a way to force the couple to finally face the problems that both parties are aware of but aren't addressing. In this case, the partner often actually tries to get caught as a way of bringing the issue to the fore.
Other times a partner may simply see infidelity as an exit strategy—a way to end an unhappy marriage. Regardless of the underlying reason a spouse cheats, it can either devastate a marriage or be the catalyst for rebuilding it, depending upon how the infidelity is dealt with.
You may, however, want to explore how the dynamics between you and your spouse led you to this point. Recognizing that infidelity is a symptom of deeper issues can lead a couple to fix the underlying problems in their relationship and grow closer.
If you were the one cheated on, it's critical to realize that you're not responsible for your spouse making the decision to cheat. You are not to blame for his or her behavior. Women tend to find emotional affairs more threatening than sexual affairs, whereas men are more willing to forgive emotional affairs but for both, the most common response to learning of their partner's affair is jealousy. Even if you were the one wronged, working with a professional may be helpful in coping and recovering yourself.
Unresolved jealousy can lead to resentment, and as the old adage claims: "Resentment is like poison you drink yourself, and then wait for the other person to die. Some couples can move past infidelity and move on to have even an even better relationship, whereas some cannot. Certainly, there are times when continuing the marriage wouldn't be recommended. Before you analyze the specifics of the affair from your spouse's perspective and look at why the affair occurred in terms of his or her needs, it's important to look at your own needs.
This can be more challenging than it sounds, especially amidst the jealousy and anger. If you were the one who had an affair, there are several steps you can take if you hope to save your marriage. Foremost you need to stop cheating and lying immediately and own your choice. Being patient and giving your spouse space is essential. But if these actions feel familiar, and you have no idea why, it's time to ask the tough questions.
Either way, you have a right to know. Your Best Life. Type keyword s to search. Getty Images. Related Stories. Related Story. Liars talk too much.
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